Datasets:
SeppeV
/
example_user_recs

Dataset card Data Studio Files
xet
 Community
1
user_recs
stringlengths
43
799
President Donald Trump and his driver were cruising along a country road President Donald Trump and his driver were cruising along a country road one night when all of a sudden they hit a pig, killing it instantly. Trump told his driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened. About one h...
Bill has worked in a pickle factory for several years One day he confesses to his wife that he has a terrible urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggests that he see a therapist to talk about it, but Bill vows to overcome this rash desire on his own. A few weeks later, Bill returns home absolu...
A lady walks into a pet store... She sees a beautiful parrot with a sign on its cage: $10 OBO The lady asks the pet shop owner, "Why so cheap?" The owner says "This bird used to live in a brothel, so he says a lot of inappropriate things." The lady can't pass up the deal and decides to get the bird anyway. She gets the...
A sweet, little old lady walks into a bar frequented by the baddest biker gang around. She walks up to the leader, a real mountain of a man, and say she wants to join. He can barely contain his laughter, and decides to have some fun with her before he tells her off. "Do you even own a bike?" he asks. "I do. It's park...
Heisenberg, Schroedinger and Ohm are in a car. They get pulled over. Heisenberg is driving, and the cop asks, 'Do you know how fast you were going?' 'No, but I know exactly where I am,' Heisenberg replies. The cop says, 'you were doing 55 in a 35.' Heisenberg throws up his hands and shouts, 'Great! Now, I'm lost.' T...
One day, a Cub Scout visited a farm. When he got home, he told his parents all about it. “I even saw a man who builds horses!” he said. “Are you sure?” his mom asked. “Yes,” the Cub Scout said, “he was just nailing on the feet when I got there.”
Jane and Arlene are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. Jane pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking. Arlene: What in the hell is that? Jane: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet. Arlene: Where did you get it? Jane...
Afternoon Sex The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon "quickie" with their 8-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with a Popsicle and tell him to report on all the neighbourhood activities. “There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he shouted. He began his commentary as his par...
A Wife took a DNA test for her kid After 10 years, the wife starts to think their kid looks strange so she decides to do a DNA test. She finds out that the kid is actually from completely different parents. Wife: Honey, I have something very serious to tell you. Husband: What's up? Wife: According to DNA test resul...
I Asked My Wife For The Rake I was doing yard work after the storm this weekend and my wife was about to take a shower. I realized that I couldn’t find the rake. I yelled up to my wife, “Where’s the rake?” She couldn’t hear me and she shouted back, “What?” I pointed to my eye, then I pointed to my knee and made a rak...
Four Catholic Men and a Catholic Woman Were Having Coffee in St. Peter's Square.   The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'". The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'". The ...
This Scottish bloke goes on a skiing holiday to Canada. After a hard day on the slopes, he retires to a bar at the bottom of the mountain. After about five or six whiskeys, he looks up and notices a stuffed animal with antlers on the wall... He asks the bartender, "What the fuck is that?" The bartender replies, "It'...
A man and a woman who had never met find themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper berth and she in the lower. At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman sayi...
My wife and I went on our honeymoon to Australia, but unfortunately, I had to dial the help line. "G'day this is Tim, you've reached the Aussie help line. How can we help ya?" I told him, "We were in the ocean and my wife was stung by a jellyfish on her lady parts. Her vagina is completely swollen shut. It's our honeym...
A guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting. "What's up?" he says. "I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman. He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his 4-year-old son comes ...
Years ago, I decided I wanted to be a doctor Years ago, I decided I wanted to be a doctor, so I took the entrance exam to go to medical school. One of the many questions on human anatomy asked was to rearrange the letters “PNEIS" into the name of "an important human body part which is most useful when erect." Those w...
My daughter learned to count! My daughter woke me around 11:50 last night. My wife and I had picked her up from her friend Sally's birthday party, brought her home, and put her to bed. My wife went into the bedroom to read while I fell asleep watching the Braves game. "Daddy," she whispered, tugging my shirt sleeve. "...
My wife and I went on our honyemoon to Australia... Unfortunately, I had to dial the help line. "G'day this is Tim, you've reached the Aussie help line. How can we help ya?" I told him, "We were in the ocean and my wife was stung by a jellyfish on her lady parts. Her vagina is completely swollen shut. It's our hone...
A pregnant woman is hit by a car.... She is sent into a coma for 1 year. She wakes up, no longer pregnant, screaming," Doctor! Doctor! Where is my baby?!" The doctor replies, "Calm down, your babies are fine. You had twins! a girl and a boy. We gave them to your brother to watch while you were in the hospital." She ...
Two drunk men walked in to a brothels m (NSFW) Two piss-drunk men visited a brothel. The madam takes a look at them and tells her manager: Go and put inflatable dolls in their bedrooms. These guys are too drunk to notice. After finishing their act, on their way back......... 1st drunk: I think my girl was dead as sh...
I'm a programmer, my wife works part-time in tech support. (NSFW) Last Friday night, we felt a little frisky, so we made a trip to the bedroom. For her, everything went great. For me... Not so much. An hour later, I had yet to climax once. So my wife had a brilliant idea. She went to our living room, grabbed some book...
A man's walking home late at night when he sees a woman in the shadows. A man's walking home late at night when he sees a woman in the shadows. "Twenty bucks," she says. He's never been with a hooker before, but he decides what the hell. They're going at it for a minute when all of a sudden a light flashes o...
I caught a really bad case of the flu in Madrid. Whilst sniffling and coughing and rolling around in the hotel bed, I realised I needed medical attention, so I called the concierge to get help. "Oh, so you're sick!" came the reply. "Not a problem, we'll send our very own hotel doctor up to your room right away!" The ...
My neighbor. She’s single. She’s shapely & beautiful and she lives right across the street. I watched her as she got home from work this evening. I was surprised when she walked across the street, up my driveway and knocked on my door. I opened the door, she looked at me and said, ”I just got home, and I have this...
Little Johnny was told by his friends that adults have a deep dark secret and can be easily manipulated. Johnny decides to test it. He comes home, goes up to his mother and says, "Mom, I know everything." Mom shushes him and gives him $10. "Just don't tell Dad" she says. *Hey, it's working* thinks Little Johnny. ...
Donald is walking out of the White House and headed towards his limo... Donald is walking out of the White House and headed towards his limo when a possible assassin steps forward and aims a gun. A secret service agent, new on the job, shouts “Mickey Mouse!” This startles the would be assassin and he is captured. L...
One day a man hears that a distant uncle passed away He's a little sad, but only a little, for they barely knew each other. Then, a few days later, a package arrives. It contains his inheritance from the estate: A violin and a painting. He has no idea what to do with them. After pondering the matter, he takes them to a...
A woman asked a General in the army the last time he made love to a woman... The general stood tall and said "1956 ma'am." The woman, taken back by this answer said "1956?! That long?! Let me make your night better..." and the two sauntered away to a private room. The woman began to strip and the two made passionate lo...
A drunk guy is showing friends his new apartment... The last stop is the bedroom, where a big brass gong sits next to the bed. ​ "What's that gong for?" the friend asks him. ​ "It's not a gong," the drunk replies. "It's a talking clock." ​ "How does it work?" ​ The gu...
An Irishman and an Englishman walk in to a bakery The Englishman steals 3 buns and puts them into his pockets. He says to the Irishman, "That took great skill and guile to steal those buns. The owner didn't even see me." The Irishman replies, "That's just simple thievery. I'll show you how to do it the honest way and ...
A shy priest greets the wedding guests to the Chapel. He's very nervous and doesn't say much. As the couple approach the altar the priest steps up and gives the best speech anyone has ever heard. He's full of confidence, incredibly expressive and has everyone in fits of laughter! After the vows, the priest is extreme...
Sex with boss A boss said to his secretary I want to have sex with you and I’ll make it very fast. I’ll throw $1000 dollars on the floor and by time you bend down to pick it up I’ll be done. She thought for a moment then called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend said to her “but ask him for 2000, pic...
Sex Joke (Long) A guy and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town, doing what guys and girls do on back roads some distance from town. As things really started getting hot, the girl stopped the guy and said, “I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I’m actually a hooker and I charge $20 for...
Jack calls an ambulance for his friend who has been hit by a car The operator asks for his location. Jack says “I’m outside 28 Eucalyptus Road”. The operator knows there is no room for error and for clarity asks, "How do you spell that?" There’s shuffling and sounds of straining at the other end of the phone. “Jac...
Einstein, Newton and Pascal decide to play hide and seek. Einstein is it, closes his eyes, counts to 10 then opens them. Pascal is no where to be seen. Newton is sitting right in front of Einstein, with a piece of chalk in his hand. He’s sitting in a square drawn on the ground, a meter to a side. Einstein says “Newto...
I was watching the news this morning when the presenter said.. "A man has been arrested after half a million indecent images of children were found at his home in Bradford. Our reporter Gary O'Donoghue has more." Gary, you filthy bastard.
Bob left work Jokes ;) Bob left work one Friday evening. But it was payday, so instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with his mates and spending his entire wages. When he finally appeared at home on Sunday night, he was confronted by his angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with ...
My mate broke his leg so I went to see him at home. ​ “How are you mate?” “Yeah I’m okay. But do me a favour mate. Go fetch my slippers from upstairs. My feet are freezing.” I went upstairs and found his two gorgeous 21 year old twin daughters lying naked on the bed. I said “Your dad’s sent me up here to...
A shy guy goes into a pub and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage, he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, “Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?”. She responds by yelling, at the top of her voice, “NO! I will not sleep with you!”. Everyone a...
A young lady becomes a hooker, and after her first night on the streets, the other hookers are asking her how it went... "Well, the first guy I met was really hot! A marine with all kinds of muscles!" "Ooh! Nice!" another girl says. "How'd it go?" "Well I told him it was $50 for a fuck. He said he didn't have that mu...
It was two o'clock in the morning... ...and a husband and wife were sleeping when suddenly the phone rang. The husband picked up the phone and said, "Hello? (paused for a few seconds) How the heck do I know? What am I, the weather man?" and slams the phone down. His wife rolls over and asks, "Who was that?" The hus...
An Irish man frees a genie and happy to be released from his confinement, the genie grants him 3 wishes. The Irishman thinks about it, and says "I want me a pint of Guinness that is never empty." So *poof* a pint appears, filled to the rim with the rich brown drink. The man drinks it down, and when he places it back...
There was this man who walked into a bar.. And says to the bartender : " 10 shots of whiskey ! " The bartender asks : " What's the matter ? " The man says : " Well today , i found out my brother is gay and marrying my best friend ." The next day the same man comes in and orders 12 shots of whiskey. And again the ba...
While examining the body of Mr. Schwartz, a mortician notices that Schwartz has the largest penis he has ever seen. "I'm sorry, Mr. Schwartz," says the mortician, "But I can't send you to be cremated with a tremendously huge penis like this. It has to be saved for posterity." The mortician removes the penis, places i...
The CIA,The FBI and the KGB The CIA, the FBI and the KGB argue about who’s the best at catching criminals. The Secretary General of the UN decides to test them. He releases a rabbit into the woods and each of the divisions has to catch it. The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They ques...
A blonde colors her hair red and moves countryside She meets a farmer and challenges him: "If I can guess your profession, I get your dog for free." The farmer agrees. The blonde declares that he is a farmer, and wins the bet. As she's stuffing the animal into the trunk of her Fiat, the farmer says: "if I can guess yo...
Trump wakes up, goes to the garden and starts picking up random rocks... He picks a rock, carefuly examines it from from all sides, puts it back and then goes to find another one. After this has been going on for a couple of days, his cabinet starts to get nervous, so Pence calls Putin to see if he can help them. "Hey...
Not for the easily offended - my favourite politically incorrect joke... Man is walking through park. He sees a girl in a wheelchair crying. "What's wrong?" man asks. "Never been kissed before" girl says. Man kisses her and she goes home happy. Next day man walking through same park. Sees girl in wheelch...
A married couple are in bed one morning. "I had a really good dream last night,” says the wife. “I dreamt that I was at a penis auction. Long dicks were going for $100 each and thick dicks were going for $200.” “Really?” says the husband. “What would mine have fetched?” “They were giving dicks l...
A lady died and went to heaven, upon seeing God she says “there is one this I always wanted to know. “ “Ok, ask away” God said. “Do vaccines cause autism?” She asked. “the truth is no, vaccines have nothing to do with autism” God admitted. The women shakes her head and says “They got to you too, this thing really...
4 people are on a crashing plane, but there are only 3 parachutes. The first person the grab a parachute is Brad Pitt and as he reachs for the door he says, "My family and my fans need me surely you will understand.", off he goes. The next person to grab one is Donald Trump: "Im the most intellegent president this ...
Apparently the yellow power ranger died after being hit by a car. "It's MORPHINE time" joked one ER nurse, who was later fired.
Donald Trump is walking out of the White House and heading toward his limo, when a possible assassin steps forward and aims a gun. A secret service agent, new on the job, shouts "Mickey Mouse!" This startles the would be assassin and he is captured. Later, the secret service agent's supervisor takes him aside and ask...
The Smallest Dick In The World 3 guys are meeting at the pub. The first one said "I have the smallest arms in the world", the second "I have the smallest head in the world" and the third "I have the smallest dick in the world". Since they want all of that approved, they thought to go to the Guinness book of records. Th...
A man and his family walk into a bar... Inside of the bar, the man's youngest child sees a Native American sitting under a sign stating "World's longest memory". The child walks up to sign and decides to test if this sign is true. The child asks "What did you have for breakfast 30 years ago?" The Native American states...
Missionary in the jungle A missionary lives with a tribe in the jungle, when one day the Chief of the tribe approaches him: "You are the only white man around here, and now my daughter gave birth to a white child! Explain yourself, or prepare to die!" The missionary hesitates for a moment, then replies: "The natur...
A grape wakes up in an Australian hospital A grape wakes up in an Australian hospital, and asks, "Did you bring me here to die?" The nurse replies, "Nah mate, we brought you here yesterday."
A man walks into a bar and sees two pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling... Confused, he asks the bartender "why do you have meat hanging from your ceiling?" The bartender says "I'm glad you asked, currently we have a challenge going on where if you can jump up and slap both pieces of meat with your hands I'll cover...
A man is being released from a US hospital. As he is being escorted out by a nurse, he passes by a patient’s room with the door open and sees that the male patient is masturbating furiously. Confused, he turns to the nurse and asks, “what the hell is going on here?!” The nurse replies, “you see, this man has a serious...
My wife just gave birth today and after thanking the doctor, I pulled him aside and sheepishly asked, "How soon do you think we'll be able to have sex?" He winked at me and said, "I'm off duty in ten minutes - meet me in the parking lot."
A couple wants to have sex but their 8 year old son named Timmy is in the house.. A couple wants to have sex but their 8 year old son named Timmy is in the house. To get him out of the house, they give him an ice pop and they tell him to sit on the front porch and shout out everything that he sees while they try to pul...
An Englishman, a Scottish man, and an Irish man all walk into a pub with their wives. They all sit down and order a cup of tea. The Englishman looks to his wife and says “could you pass the honey, honey?” The Scottish man thinks to himself how clever that was, then turns to his wife and says “could you pass the sugar, ...
Donald Trump and Barrak Obama end up in the same barbershop. As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken. The barbers were even afraid to start a conversation, for fear that it would turn into politics. As the barbers finished their shaves, the one who had Trump in his chair re...
I haven't had sex since 1956 A woman asked an Army General when the last time he had made love to a woman. The general replied "1956, ma'am." The woman, in disbelief, said "1956?! That long? Come with me and let me make your night better." The woman and general went back to her apartment and made passionate love for ov...
Little Johnny went to his first rodeo with his mom and dad... Dad went off to buy a beer, and little Johnny happened to spy the bull's cock flopping around beneath his belly. "Mommy, mommy! What's that long thing beneath the bull's belly!?" Johnny asks, pointing. Embarrassed, his mom looks away and mutters, "Oh, don...
A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, “Doctor, I have a terrible problem with gas, but it doesn’t bother me much.” My farts are always silent and never smell. I probably farted 15 times since I’ve been here, and you didn’t realize it. The doctor says, “Interesting. Why don’t you take these pills and come see ...
A Nazi goes to a bar... A Nazi goes to a bar, looks around, and sees an Orthodox Jew sitting at a nearby table. "Barkeep!", he says, "A round on me for everyone but that gentleman right there." Everyone in the bar receives a cocktail, he looks over at the Jew and notices him smiling back. The Nazi is not amused, goe...
Little Johnny was told by his friends that adults have a deep dark secret and can be easily manipulated. Johnny decides to test it. He comes home, goes up to his mother and says, "Mom, I know everything." Mom shushes him and gives him $10. "Just don't tell Dad" she says. Hey, it's working thinks Little Johnny. An ho...
What did the sheep obsessed convict say to Jared Fogle? I have a footlong waiting for **ewe** back in my cell!!!!
A woman goes into a restaurant with 15 kids. The kids start goofing around while she's talking to the waitress. The mom gets impatient and yells, "Eddy! Stop that! Or else!" All 15 boys suddenly sit down, obedient and quiet. The waitress asks, **"Did you really name all 15 of your boys Eddy?"** "Yup," says the wom...
A Nazi goes to a bar.... A Nazi goes to a bar, looks around, and sees an Orthodox Jew sitting at a nearby table. "Barkeep!", he says, "A round on me for everyone but that gentleman right there." Everyone in the bar receives a cocktail, he looks over at the Jew and notices him smiling back. The Nazi is not amused, goe...
A blonde, brunette, and redhead mom go to a cafe.... They had each stolen their daughters purses to see what their girls did in their free time. The redhead mom opens her daughters purse first and finds a pack of cigarettes. “Oh my God, Debbie smokes! I am going to kill her!” The brunette mom opens her daughter’s p...
Jack wakes up with a horrible hangover and a throbbing black eye. The first thing he sees is a single rose on the side table and a note from his wife: “Dear, breakfast is made. I’ve gone shopping to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you!” He stumbles to the kitchen and, sure enough, there’s breakfast. “Joe...
3 spies from England, France and Italy were sent to the USSR. After a week they were captured and put in jail. The Russians took the English spy, tied and tortured him and after 20 minutes he gave all the info. Then the Russians took the French spy. They tied and tortured him, and after 20 minutes he too gave all the ...
A dog runs up to their master carrying an unusual stick. Master: Hey boy, what do you got there? Dog: *Bark* Master: Bark? Well where did you get such an unusual piece of bark? Dog: *Ruff* Master: The roof? Well how did you get all the way up there? Dog: *With the ladder*
A man accepts a job in a village with no women Once there, he asks a local: \-There is really no women here? \-None. \-So... How do you guys do when you need to have sex? \-There is a donkey close to the river for that. The man tries to ignore and go home, where he can see the river and therefore, the donkey. Afte...
After an amazing 69 with his girlfriend, Kevin remembered he had a dentist appointment. He was afraid that the dentist would smell pussy on his breath so he brushed his teeth 7 times and on top of that 2 liters of mouthwash. As he arrived at the dentist he chewed 5 strong mints too. The dentist told him to take a s...
The biggest, toughest American soldier in the platoon in Eastern Europe limps in, badly injured. His Captain yells, "Good Lord Corporal! What happened to you?" "Well Captain", he says, wiping blood from his face, "I was out on watch, and I looked across the road. And I saw this Russian soldier, real big bastard. And I...
A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign hanging over the bar which read: Cheese Sandwich: $1.50, Chicken Sandwich: $2.50, Hand Job: $10.00 Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks to an eager-looking group of men. ...
A British doctor says: "In Britain, medicine is so advanced that we cut off a man's liver, put it in another man, and in 6 weeks, he is looking for a job." The German doctor replies: "That's nothing, in Germany we took part of a brain, put it in another man, and in 4 weeks he is looking for a job." The Russian doctor ...
A woman and her lover were in bed, when the woman heard her husband getting back. The woman said “Quick! Rub baby powder on you and pretend to be a statue.” The lover did that. The husband walked into the room. “Honey, what’s this statue doing here?” He asked. “I saw that the Smiths got one, so I decided to get one as...
A blonde is overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. A blonde is overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. “I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat the procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least five pounds.” When the blonde returns, she’s lost...
Boss wants to have sex with his secretary A boss said to his secretary "I want to have sex with you. I will make it very fast. I'll throw $1000 on the floor; by the time you bend down to pick it, I'll be done." She thought for a moment, then called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend then said "Ask him...
Called my friend. I called my friend just now and said, "I have a joke for you." Friend: "Ok shoot" Me: "What has a tiny penis and hangs down?" Friend: "I dunno what?" Me: A bat.. now what has an enormous penis and hangs up? Friend: I dunno what? *Click*
A woman has to go to Italy for a conference, so her husband drives her to the airport A woman has to go to Italy for a conference, so her husband drives her to the airport. "Thank you, honey", she says. "What would you like me to bring back for you?" He laughs and says, "An Italian girl!" When the conference is ove...
A guy applies for a job with the L.A.P.D. Inspector says "These are the best qualifications I've ever seen, just one more test before you get the job. Take this gun, go out and shoot six black guys and a rabbit." Guy replies "Why the rabbit?" Inspector says "Fantastic attitude, you've got the job!"
A waitress walks up to one of her tables in a New York City restaurant and notices that the three Bulgarian businessmen seated there are furiously masturbating… She says, "What the hell do you guys think you are doing?" One of the Bulgarian men says, "Can't you see? Ve arrrre all verrry, verrry hoongry." The waitre...
There is a guy who wakes up at 5 am and rides a bicycle until noon every weekend There is a guy who wakes up at 5 am and rides a bicycle until noon every weekend. He does this no matter what - regardless of rain, snow, or thunder. One day, however, the conditions are just too bad for him to ride his bike. There is a...
Four men are in the hospital waiting room because their wives are having babies. A nurse goes up to the first guy and says, "Congratulations! You're the father of twins." "That's odd," answers the man. "I work for the Minnesota Twins!" A nurse says to the second guy, "Congratulations! You're the father of triplets!...
My mate broke his leg so I went to see him at home. “How are you mate?” “Yeah I’m okay. But do me a favour mate. Go fetch my slippers from upstairs. My feet are freezing.” I went upstairs and found his two gorgeous 21 year old twin daughters lying naked on the bed. I said “Your dad’s sent me up here to have sex wit...
A man takes his seat at the Superbowl. He looks over and notices there's an extra seat in between himself and the next guy. The man says, "Who would ever miss the Superbowl?” The guy replies, "Well that was my wife’s seat. We have been to the last five Superbowls together, but sadly she passed away.” The man says bac...
A guy applies for a job with the L.A.P.D. Inspector says "These are the best qualifications I've ever seen, just one more test before you get the job. Take this gun, go out and shoot six black guys and a rabbit." Guy replies "Why the rabbit?" Inspector says "Fantastic attitude, you've got the job!"
A boy entered a bank with a large dog on a leash. He asked a security guard: “Is it all right if I bring Bruno in here?”  “Sure,” said the guard, “as long as he doesn’t make a deposit.”
A country boy goes off to college. His father phones to see how he’s doing. “I’m going great in algebra,” the son says. “Say something in algebra,” the father says. “Pi R squared.” “What?!” says the father. “Everybody knows that cornbread is square. Pies are round.”
My girlfriend left a note on the fridge "This is not working I'm going to my mum's house." So, I opened the fridge's door, the light came on and the juice was cold. - What the hell did she mean?
Donald Trump and Barak Obama end up in the same barbershop Donald Trump and Barack Obama end up in the same barbershop As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken. The barbers were even afraid to start a conversation, for fear that it would turn into politics. As the barbers fin...
I used to smoke weed and go to the class... Sneak in ten minutes late with a bullshit excuse. Slink down low at my desk. Pray to God nobody asked me any questions. I was the best teacher ever.
[nsfw] Girlfriends sister tries to seduce me I went to my girlfriend’s house expecting to see her. It was my girlfriend’s sister ( very beautiful) who opened the door in a slutty dress. She asked me to enter the house and said no one is coming home for another 5 hours, she then placed her hands on my shoulders and came...
Panda and a Prostitute A panda spent the night in bed with a prostitute. The following morning as he is about ready to leave, the prostitute yells after him, "Hey, aren't you going to pay me?" The panda appears confused, so she throws a dictionary at him and tells him to look up 'prostitute.' The definition reads: 'A...
i went to the liquor store on my bike. i went to the liquor store on my bike and bought a bottle vodka and put it in the basket on the front...then it occoured to me that if i fall or something happens then the bottle might break. so i drank it all right there and its a good thing i did cause i fell 7 times on the way ...